Guest Writer: Cubs sign Edmonds instead of dog sh-t
This showed up in my inbox today:
Cubs sign Edmonds instead of dog sh-t
by Mike Byrne
The Cubs signed former Cardinals outfielder Jim Edmonds to a contract for the pro-rated MLB minimum for 2008 after a similar offer was refused by a steaming pile of dog sh-t.
"We were determined to get a worthless piece of sh-t one way or the other," said Cubs GM Jim Hendry. "We had our eyes set on a fresh loaf dropped on Belmont Avenue by a stocky rottweiler this morning. But when the dog crap turned down our offer, we had to lower our sights and sign the next best available option."
Unconfirmed rumors had the Chicago National League Ballclub also considering a wad of cat barf and a pail of rotting fish heads, but Hendry denied those claims.
"All appearances to the contrary, we were never interested in puke of any kind other than from our fans when they saw the move we made. And the only rotting, degenerative corpse we considered was that of Edmonds."
Although the move was widely criticized by anyone who knows anything about baseball, Hendry did receive a vote of support from Isaiah Thomas.